The Devil Writes

aiyaiska

It takes a toll on someone when you do not do as you say. It's hard to lose a habit of giving out empty promises and precisely this is what you have done. As a consolation, you did pretty amazing stuff too but that will fall short if we put it side by side with your failures. You told me before you fail me. You did and you have. But I never felt a stinging sensation before that you did it to displease me. But it does now. Maybe it's just that I cannot take it anymore and I'm weak and impatient. You told me to wait and I waited and waited and waited. Your waiting game is over and you're not going to put me in the dark anymore. You have always want to regard me as a stranger and that I will become. No more than someone you chanced upon the street, had a few laughs and talks, and forgot in a week. I'm doomed to find most my affairs as fleeting as what we had. You're my constant, constant punisher. You might have an idea how you hurt me and you do and you don't care. Your 'I love you's are empty. They're mere words. I hate myself for loving you and I want to stay inverted for a long time to prevent my tears from rolling down my cheeks. I've told many people many times I've started killing what I feel for you from the time I realized it. I wasn't successful in my feat. How I hate myself and how I hate you! My body don't want to function and my brain in shambles with all the thoughts of you. I tried to read, and I finished a whole book again. I tried to drink, I never got myself too drunk to forget. I tried to write, as you see all I write is about you. Knowing myself, it would be easy to get rid of you. I've tried to forget a lot of things or at least put them in the remotest part of my memory. They do haunt me as you will too. But that's the only way. I'm trying to survive and this is my method. Mckee told me before, "No one forget they just move on." True, true! He's one of the people in the dark recessess of my memory. But he lingers, you see. And like him, I know you will too. And for that I hate you.